There is a phrase: “Give your all to both your hobbies and your work.”
Some of my friends and acquaintances are exactly like that.
They work on weekdays, then spend their weekends at conferences, events, or on side work.
From the outside, it looks genuinely impressive.
Because of my work, I often talk with students. I hear things like, “I met that senior at an event,” or “I saw them giving a talk at a tech event.”
Many students use those working seniors as role models and try hard in their own daily lives.
If this were about comparing myself to others and putting myself down, I could write endlessly.
But that is not the point.
Instead, I want to write about what I can express precisely because I cannot be such an impressive role model.
Even With the Desire to Improve
In Natsume Soseki’s Kokoro, there is a line: “Those who lack the desire for spiritual improvement are fools.”
Then, is having that desire enough? I do not think so.
No matter how strong the feeling is, if it cannot be expressed outwardly, it turns into pain.
The fact that I am writing this down now is one example.
I think it is similar to unfinished tasks remaining as debt.
At work, I compare myself with others. I am compared with others.
After a task is finished, ideas for improvement come to mind. I think, “Next time,” but by then my hands are already full with another task.
Even with the desire to improve, if I cannot process it myself, each day becomes harder.
No matter how hard I try, there is always someone above me.
Perhaps it is best to work each day at about 20% beyond what I think I can do.
Is That Really the Right Choice?
When something comes up, people often talk as if the choice is between work and hobbies.
Even when discussing work-life balance, it becomes a binary between work and life.
But it should also be fine to live with both in moderation.
Of course, if someone wants to reach a higher position or role, they can focus on work.
If someone wants to live more freely day to day, they can put more energy into hobbies.
I could not do either.
Unless I put a lot of effort into work, I cannot even reach an ordinary level.
Even when I try to enjoy hobbies, my concentration and physical energy do not last.
People who become admirable role models often say things like “I do both” or “work and hobbies are the same to me.”
For an ordinary person like me, “doing what I can, as much as I can” is already more than enough.
Being able to choose between options is impressive in itself.
For people who are already overwhelmed and have no choice but to choose, the only path is to follow through on what they selected.
If I Have Neither Skill Nor Knowledge
I often think that role models have advanced skills and deep knowledge.
For engineers, that means not only technical ability, but also strong communication skills.
My skills and knowledge do not reach the level of those role models.
If that is the case, perhaps all I can do is take careful care of my humanity and character.
Even if I fall short of others, there may still be things I can see, or people I can stand beside, because my viewpoint is lower.